I was disappointed in this post until I got to this line:

my presence devalues her horse-brasses and plaster tat stuck to her garden fence

I don't mind neighbours -- my current ones are pretty quiet. My previous one was a gay black school teacher in Compton. He was just priceless. I was actually disappointed to see him move out.

My JKD instructor, on the other hand, has one of the meanest old biddies I've had the displeasure of meeting for a neighbour. We train in his garage, and she's forever yelling at him to close the garage door, because we're making too much noise -- even when we're grappling, not making hardly any noise at all. If she comes home in the middle of the training session, she'll stop the car outside his garage and stare at him. She's complained to the neighbourhood whatsitthingy about him multiple times. I don't know why she can't just close her window for the hour. She "doesn't like to listen to squeaking shoes during dinner." I wonder if she'd complain if we had a basketball net set up, or if it's just because it's martial arts.