Someone here on the BBS is intending to use their empeg at a wedding breakfast, and I was thinking how that could be risky - the chances of something obscene, offensive, or inappropriate ending up in the playlist (or some spotty teenaged relative changing playlists when no-ones looking) are too high too ignore. Anyway, to cut to the chase - what songs would you make absolutely sure *didn't* get played at a wedding?

I'll start the ball rolling:

Kevin Bloody Wilson - Do Ya [censored] on First Dates? (Kevs Courtin' Song)
Steve Vai - #?@! Yourself

Susan Bush - Scared Of The Words

I saw her live at a folk music show in Philadelphia 1998. She had an introduction saying that a friend was getting married, and this was the only song even close to appropriate, but that the friend did not want it...

At my wedding, we had rules for the DJ:

No Hustle
No YMCA
No Macerana

We had plenty of Depeche Mode, Cure, Bjork, etc etc playing.

There's got to be tens of thousands of songs that would be in appropriate for a wedding... A few that come to mind...

The Bloodhound Gang - "You're Pretty When I'm Drunk"
Led Zeppelin - "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You"
Eazy E - "I'd Rather F#@k You"
The Greg Kihn Band - "The Breakup Song"
Phil Collins - "Throwing It All Away"

Whaddya know, there's a pretty comprehensive list of breakup songs that you might not want to play at a wedding...

That damn Chicken Dance song, it should never be played anywhere, at anytime, EVER!!!

I was at a wedding last Saturday where they played it acoustically...

One song that got played a lot at weddings is the 80's is "Every Breath You Take".

Which, if you listen to the lyrics closely, is absolutely sick. The song is an obsession song about a stalker, not a love song.

And I want to slap anyone who plays Dan Fogelberg at any wedding.

Hmmmmm.....

Gompie "Alice" (esp. if bride is named Alice)
Spinal Tap "Big Bottom"
Mojo Nixon "Kylie Minogue is Pregnant With My Two-Headed Love Child" (or just about anything by Mojo...)

HTH,

Jim

I'd say Prodigy - "Smack My Bitch Up" would be a rather controversial choice for a wedding

Anything by Prodigy isn't good wedding music material though The video for that song is bizarre enough as it is

- Trevor

Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls (esp. if your bride is the least bit overweight)
NIN - Closer

Guns N' Roses - Get in the Ring

Definitely the most swear words I've ever heard in a song.

NIN - Closer
Soundgarden - Big Dumb Sex

That's two people now who have said "Closer". But, I think frog51 would disagree with you.

Oh not THAT discussion again! I think that song gets the honors for the most well known song that includes the repeated use of the word fuck.

Ironically, I think "Closer" is a much more appropriate wedding song than "Every Breath You Take".

Presidents Of The USA - Last Girl On Earth
20 Fingers - Short Dick man
Anything by Lords Of Acid.
Anything by the 2Live Crew. (I can imagine the grandparents would love that! )

I used my Empeg at my wedding (on 02/02/02, heh) but we hand picked a wedding playlist before hand.

Still, we managed to leave Staind - It's Been a While in forgetting its got a couple of Sh**s and a few Fu**s. Don't think anybody over 40 noticed.

D.I.V.O.R.C.E - Tammy Wynette

Rollins Band - Liar
Soulfly - Jump tha [censored] up
Cradle of Filth - Born in a Burial Gown
NOFX - My Vagina

Twisted - Stewart who
I will lick your arsehole - regurgitator
Kyles Mom's a bitch - Southpark
nookie - limp bizkit
Mutha Fukka on a Motor Cycle - Machine Gun Fellatio

Sucks my nuts F**k You Bitch - Insane Clown Posse

Offspring - She's got issues (and I'm gonna pay)

Some would argue that both the bridal chorus from Lohengrin and the wedding march from Mendelssohn's A Midsummer Night's Dream are remarkably inappropriate.

In Lohengrin, the bride, Elsa, if she wishes to be wed to Lohengrin, must never ask his name or inquire about his life in any way. If she does (which, of course, she does), he will be forced to leave (which he does). So it implies that the bride must remain ignorant of the groom; that she is totally subservient to him.

In A Midsummer Night's Dream, Theseus captures Hippolyta to marry her without her consent and Titania's coerced drug-induced declaration of love to Bottom, a half-man, half-donkey creature. But at least the commoners in the play get married successfully.

Oh -- and in case you don't know, these two pieces of music are the ``traditional'' wedding themes for the bridal entrance and the recessional, respectively. Uplifting, huh?

I hated Elsa's Procession to the Chathedral. We played it in HS band. It was sooo freaking drawn out blah.

If I were to get married (unlikely) I would definitely want some obscene, offensive and inappropriate music to be played! I say start married life as you mean to go on.

Rob

LOL. Well in your case, what song do you think *should* be played??

In reply to:

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If I were to get married (unlikely) I would definitely want some obscene, offensive and inappropriate music to be played! I say start married life as you mean to go on.

---

I agree with that myself. I would go for NIN Closer to be played.

I tried to get the band at my aunt's wedding to play "50 ways to leave your lover". The drummer, who had been mostly unchallenged all evening, had already started playing before the singer nixed it.

When I told my aunt later that her band wouldn't play it she was sad. "I love that song."

Who sang "Don't Marry Her (Fsck Me)"? Was it The Beautiful South? That song always seemed to me to be hand-crafted as the optimally bad wedding song.

Some friends of mine wanted James' "Sit Down" at their wedding, until I pointed out the rest of the lyrics: "Now I've come back down again, it's worse than it was before / If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor..."

Apart from that, Fatboy Slim's "Fscking In Heaven" is always a good one for outraging the maiden aunts posse (or that "They know what is what" song from the other album, whose name escapes me). Hugo's player once came up with "In Heaven" at an Empeg barbecue in the presence of several small children -- you've never seen so many people dive for the remotes in their pockets at once.

Peter

Aye - but I'm not usually considered normal, so that's okay

If it wasn't for all the foul language upsetting grannies and kids it would be fine. Only it would be something else, not Closer.

How about...

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For-U2
Ain't Nothing Like A Gang Bang-Alex Harvey Band

I don't know... a friend of mine was dead set on having "Smack My Bitch Up" for the first dance, but his (now) wife managed to talk him out of it (oddly enough).

Bryan.

Who sang "Don't Marry Her (Fsck Me)"? Was it The Beautiful South? That song always seemed to me to be hand-crafted as the optimally bad wedding song.

yup, it was them, they had numberious songs to which the lyrics deserve a closer inspection in order to get the full story

one song has a line something like "every penny doesn't fit in the slot" but the surrounding lines give it a completly different context....

that "They know what is what" song from the other album, whose name escapes me

Star 69, in case anyone cares, from Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars.

Chooon.

Peter

So, at this empeg barbecue, there was only one Empeg playing music, but everybody had their remotes in their pocket?

Two words pop into my head: "Empeg Geeks".

I'm sure the response will be "and proud of it!"

Were people fighting over which playlist/songs to play? I could just see a remote fight breaking out with everybody trying to use them at once.

Blink182 - When You F#%@ed Grandpa
Blink182 - Mark's Secret Song ...ha ha ha, that would be really funny!

If I were to get married (unlikely) I would definitely want some obscene, offensive and inappropriate music to be played! I say start married life as you mean to go on.


I'm inclined to agree with this. i've also accepted it's my destiny to be the crazy old lady down the block with all the cats.

but then again, i was at a wedding where the couple chose careless whisper by george michael as their first dance (duh). but that was noting compared to the look on the mother of the brides face after the wham bam thank you maam part of suffragette city.

i've also accepted it's my destiny to be the crazy old lady down the block with all the cats.

Heh, you know all you have to do is get married, and you'll become "that cute couple down the block with all the cats". The line between "weird cat lady" and "cute couple" is simply a question of marital status.

The line between "weird cat lady" and "cute couple" is simply a question of marital status.

did I mention my day started out with the classic "I like you as a friend" speecfh?

Damn, we're just batting 1000 tonight aren't we? No wonder you're getting drunk tonight. My sympathies.

how about bob dylan's "it's all over now baby blue"
or some song from ozzy, i don't know the title but the lyrics start with "..time has come to say goodbye..."

Ooh! Just thought of a good one:

Frank Zappa's Broken Hearts are for Assholes, with the uplifting lyric:

Don't fool yerself girl
It's blinkin' at you
That's why I say
I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute

But really, anything from the Zappa oeuvre will do.

Mind you, I saw a very funny thing once at a Debutante Ball (don't ask). The very cheap band were doing a version of the Chicken Dance, only they couldn't count. So every once in a while you'd get an extra beat, or an extra bar, or a missing beat. And after a short while the entire floor was full of people doing semi-random chicken motions. I almost wet myself.

But, yes, it should still be banned.

Have fun,

Paul

reminds me of a band which used to play Wild Thing, and break into 3/4 or waltz time halfway through. All these people would be jumping around and then not quite know what to do with themselves.

I saw a very funny thing once at a Debutante Ball (don't ask).

Wow. Debutante Ball, eh? So, tell us: Security detail? Doing a little photography? Waiting tables? Oh, you were with the baaaaand! So, a Debutante Ball, eh? So, what's up with that? Is that where they have debutantes? Where everybody is coming out? Where....

Leonard Cohen - "Everybody Knows". Or "Democracy"

Ouch

For those not familiar with the song, here is the relevant verse:

Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows

Wow, shit on me, I thought that was a Concrete Blonde original.

And others thought it was a Don Henley original.

I was pissed, too. After watching Pump up the Volume, I just HAD to have that song. Unfortunately, the sountrack had the Concrete Blonde version, which was NEVER played in the movie, go figure. So I had to find, then buy, the original. GREAT album, btw.

Oh, and you forgot "There ought to be a meter on your bed that will disclose, what everybody knows."

Actually, Pump Up the Volume is one of my favorite movies and I know the Concrete Blonde version is played towards the end for a brief spell. Can't remember which scene though. I agree it was real weak of them not to include the Leonard Cohen version on the sdtk though, since it definitely does get more time in the movie.

Well, since the song is currently playing on my empeg: Heterosexual Man, by the Odds (a small Canadian band).

I wanna have every woman I know,
I wanna have em take off their clothes,
I'll make it with them... unless they say No,
'cuz I'm a heterosexual man.
I'll make it with them whenever I can!

I'll confess to having bought the album just for this song...

Hrmmmm.. Odd. I didn't recall that. Oh well.

And of course one song to never play at a wedding: Taps.

-Zeke