Does anyone have any opinions on these kinds of services or used them?

One of the prominent ones out there is Speed Dating primarily for Jewish singles.

I'm a little suspicious. Just seems that you're essentially buying a social life but hey there are lots of payer-only type clubs.

One of the prominent ones out there is Speed Dating

I usually use ULTRA-Speed Dating (1-900-4BAMBIE). Only 4 minutes not seven! Much more cost-effective!

If you've got the coin, I think the most interesting matchmaking service is this one:

www.coincidencedesign.com

When I first read the page, my jaw was hanging open the whole time. The whole thing reads like an April Fool's web-gag. The fact that their site is still there makes me think it might be real, though...

(Please, everbody, you'll just have to excuse Anti-Jim. He's been sitting at his desk for 9 hours -- no bathroom breaks -- waiting to get bridged into a conference call that never happened and he tends to become a real wise-ass.....)

I have a friend who went to speed dating. He survived. He said it was bit wierd but that he had fun. I think he's going to do it again. Yeah, the mindset that leads to seven-minute encounters controlled by a bell leaves me a little puzzled, but it *does* increase exposure in a limited amount of time. I guess they have a couple of "no-nos" like no asking what someone does for work (so you don't blow seven minutes blathering about *that*).

I have used electronic services like matchmaker.com and match.com. I got tired of all the pop-under web BS on Matchmaker (I told them so and I switched to Match which I really haven't used that much) but even then I would rate both of these services as a net positive. Yeah, you have to pay them, but how else do you expect that such a service will remain viable?

Buying a social life?? Well, I can tell you that for years I had a major hang-up about any kind of matchmaker service, personal ads, whatever. I mean -- Jeeze! -- why not just get "loser" tatooed on your forehead???

Well (and I'm taking this from a guy's point of view so don't shoot me...) finally I kind of said: "If you are travelling 80 percent for work, if you work mostly alone at home, or if you spend most of your time stuck in conference rooms or data centers with ugly, smelly guys most of whom haven't had sex in years (even with a Catholic Priest!) how on *earth* are you going to meet women??"

You get my drift. I would recommend that anyone debating about whether to use one of these outfits, well, give it a shot. Put a picture of yourself on the Web? Most everyone survives the experience. One good thing about the on-line versions like Match.com is that you can keep a certain distance -- keep the encounter electronic -- until you fell some confidence that the other party isn't completely psycho. Pretty efficient, too. Got a showstopper (like smoking, drugs, political party, Kahlil Gibran, whatever)? You can use their search tools to filter folks out that you would wind up butting heads with.

Did this produce magical results for me? No? And my energy for this stuff comes and goes. I haven't been on any of them in 9 months. Still, I got hooked up with a really lively book club through one of the women I met ( a real lunatic) and have made one really *excellent* friend. Can't beat that.

That website sounds like the movie, The Game

I was thinking more like "Something about Mary".

Funny stuff, I really wonder if it is for real.

(even with a Catholic Priest!)

Zing!

Anyway, regarding online personals... I gave them a shot about three years ago when I moved back to the Philly area after graduating from college. Back then, they were all free, and not just free to try for two days and not be able to respond to any ads without paying. I think if more of them were still free, I'd try it again just for the hell of it, but the money they're asking for them nowadays is insane.

My results were very good. I tried it for about three months before I lost interest when I found a better situation with a girl I met via more conventional means. Online, the quantity was definitely not there in the 20-25 age group (most girls at that age won't let themselves try an online personals site, for fear that they're throwing in the towel on finding prince charming.) But the quality of the six or seven girls I ended up meeting in person from the online personals was very nice. I think if you're in the 30+ range you're probably bound to find a higher percentage of females. I just think that while there are exceptions (including several female friends of mine) most 20something women have a tough time making the decision to post an online personal ad, or even to respond to any (though I'm sure many browse them for entertainment purposes.) So it tends to be a very large number of dudes competing for a very small number of chicks. You're better off at the local bar, or even the laundromat.

But the online thing definitely allows you to weed out girls you would never even consider talking to in a bar for physical reasons. It also has the great quality of letting you *kinda* get to know the girl and what she's about without the stress of a face-to-face meeting. You can sit around in your apartment in your underwear, drinking beer, watching TV, and chatting with chicks, trying to find one that interests you. God bless the Internet!

But seriously, it's got its advantages over "traditional" pickup places like bars, but as long as the pickings are slim in my age group, and as long as the sites charge an obscene amount of money, I'm going to stick to conventional dating. In the meantime, I'll check in on the personals sites now and then, but unless the woman of my dreams jumps out at me, I'm not ponying up a red cent for that privelege.

Nothing wrong with being single now, either!

(even with a Catholic Priest!).....Zing!

Disclaimer: I stole that line from the Triumph piece that Loren posted. Fair enough, though. My high school *is* the one that has gotten *two* honorable mentions on NPR for defrocked diddlin' Jesuits!!

..... Back then, they were all free....

Back then *anything* with supposed click-through was free!!

but the money they're asking for them nowadays is insane.

Well, compared to 1-900-4BAMBIE, they're a steal!!

My results were very good. I tried it for about three months before I lost interest when I found a better situation with a girl I met via more conventional means.

It will be interesting to see what qualifies as "conventional" after 20-30 years of IM and SMS, but I'd not quibble with the superiority of the present-day 'conventional" -- mmeet someone at a dinner, party, work, whatever.

Online, the quantity was definitely not there in the 20-25 age group (most girls at that age won't let themselves try an online personals site, for fear that they're throwing in the towel on finding prince charming.)

Agree with the "Prince Charming" hangup. Men suffer from it, too, but to a lesser degree. What to call it? "Cinderella effect"?

But the quality of the six or seven girls I ended up meeting in person from the online personals was very nice. I think if you're in the 30+ range you're probably bound to find a higher percentage of females. I just think that while there are exceptions (including several female friends of mine) most 20something women have a tough time making the decision to post an online personal ad, or even to respond to any (though I'm sure many browse them for entertainment purposes.) So it tends to be a very large number of dudes competing for a very small number of chicks.

Well, I would say that women, across all age brackets, put a lot more at risk when they expose themselves on something like an on-line service. Yes, there are crazy, stalking women out there as well, but women are more likely to get harassed or lied to by scumbags and psychopaths (Trust me on this. I have female friends who have gotten 15 year-old photos from smooth, on-line "brain surgeons" who turned out to be unemployed lying ex-felons. Young women can expect a steady barrage from older men, I think.)

You're better off at the local bar, or even the laundromat.

You've obviously never spent an hour in my local bar!!

It depends, I think. When you get into the 30s and 40s, folks may have a routine (work routine, single parenthood, other stuff) that doesn't permit a lot of bar/laundromat time. Also, as more friends drift into the obsessions of marriage and parenthood, there are fewer single folks (whether single or reverted to singlehood by divorce) to hang out in those bars and laundromats with. Fewer parties, even. (Sigh.) I agree that women (and guys) are more inclined (more resigned??) to on-line services as they get older -- maybe more realistic about how/where they might meet a kindred spirit.

But the online thing definitely allows you to weed out girls you would never even consider talking to in a bar for physical reasons.

The notion of who's a "keeper" for any man or woman is hard to predict. No matter how politically incorrect, though, if the attraction ain't there, you can't make it up and pretend that it is. However harsh, the online services are pretty decent at helping implement that filter.

It also has the great quality of letting you *kinda* get to know the girl and what she's about without the stress of a face-to-face meeting. You can sit around in your apartment in your underwear, drinking beer, watching TV, and chatting with chicks, trying to find one that interests you. God bless the Internet![

/Jim fishing in pocket for smiley emoticon...

But seriously, it's got its advantages over "traditional" pickup places like bars....

Well, hey, the beer is cheaper and it's smoke-free!!


, but as long as the pickings are slim in my age group, and as long as the sites charge an obscene amount of money, I'm going to stick to conventional dating. In the meantime, I'll check in on the personals sites now and then, but unless the woman of my dreams jumps out at me, I'm not ponying up a red cent for that privelege.

My only take home message for Burgin and others is to not get too hung up on the "pay" or Cinderella factors. Do whatever combination of things makes you happy, meet-the-opposite(or same)-sex-wise. I got hung up on the supposed "personals" stigma for longer than I should have. Keep your expectations in check, take a chance. Hell, you might even wind up in a cool book club!

Nothing wrong with being single now, either!

heh. You are *obviously* getting lucky!

I am not yet so old and spent to resort to this yet. Try me again next month.

Yes, I realize what a bitch that makes me sound like.

But I also have a job that provides me with more than enough opportunities to pick up men.

But I also have a job that provides me with more than enough opportunities to pick up men.

This is a good thing (methinks.)

Years ago I had a buddy who worked at a jet engine plant with about 850 men and 14 women (approximately 12 of whom were radical lesbian feminists). At the time I worked in hospitals with about a 2-to-1 ratio of women to men. He just *refused* to let me bitch about work!

Try me again next month.

New BBS forum... "Empeg-geek dating"

So, what's your sign?

This is a good thing (methinks.)

Years ago I had a buddy who worked at a jet engine plant with about 850 men and 14 women (approximately 12 of whom were radical lesbian feminists). At the time I worked in hospitals with about a 2-to-1 ratio of women to men. He just *refused* to let me bitch about work!

I don't even need to resort to co workers. After 20 minutes or so with a customer, I usually know:

where you live

what you do for a living

how much it pays you

if you are married/engaged/have kids and or other baggage/have a girlfriend or boyfriend

whether or not you are a complete fucktard

It may possibly be the best part of my job

It's funny you mention that and work at a car dealer. On my last car buying experience I intentionally screwed with the guy mentally. I arranged the deal through email and only spoke on the phone with him a couple days before picking up the car. Further, I paid cash (as far as he knows). Then, on the day I picked it up (and met the dealer for the first time) I wore the most faded pair of jeans I could find and a wrinkled shirt. I looked like a slob.

So, I walk in looking like a bum (a 21 year old long-haired bum mind you) and give the guy a bank check for a $40,000 car. Oddly, I didn't get the reaction I desired. The guy was totally professional and treated me with great respect even before I gave him the money. He must have thought with a name like Riccardelli I must be a mafia guy and he better not insult me.

Out of all of my car buying experiences from dealerships, I'm always amazed at what they'll accept as payment. My dad has always paid with a personal check, and taken the car home then, on a weekend or well after all the banks are closed. I guess they figure they know where you live and all, but it doesn't seem like a semi-decent scam artist would have a problem.

Matthew

> it doesn't seem like a semi-decent scam artist would have a problem.

Shh, don't give that Austin / HeavyHit guy any more ideas.

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Nothing wrong with being single now, either!

heh. You are *obviously* getting lucky!

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Ah, I remember those good old days!

If only in 'the good old days' I had the same luck I have now!

Back in the eighties and early nineties, some nights I had to put some effort into picking up a girl (well, occasionally) but now I'm married if I go out clubbing with the guys I get chatted up.

I mean, it's flattering but Jeez - it would have been much more useful a few years ago. Or do women flirt more when they know the target can't do anything about it??? Enquiring minds want to know.

. Or do women flirt more when they know the target can't do anything about it???

Well, not exactly, but you're getting at one of the basic principles of male/female relations. When you have a steady situation (be it marriage, engagement, or long-term commitment) you are more confident, less worried about picking up chicks, etc. So you appear more desirable. Women who might not give you a second look suddenly can't resist you. Plus you're older now than you were then, and as we all know, guys get better with age (to a point, obviously.)

I don't know that this is actually a documented fact, but it's pretty well understood that if a group of guys goes out, it's the married guy that's going to get all the play, while the single guys try to feast on the scraps. Best to just accept it and hope that the girls have hot friends (often the case, thankfully!)

When I first moved to the DC/Northern VA area, I used Yahoo personals and Aol's personal's simply because I didn't know anybody. I met a lot of nice girls, not pathetic can't get a date types, most of them where cute and just didn't wanna pick guys up at bars or simply didn't have the time. I actually met the mother of my child on Yahoo and am still happily together after 3 years.

Gotta agree with the minority here... there's nothing wrong with online dating. The only suggestion I'll offer up is not to limit yourself to ONLY online dating. You can--as I did--easily get wrapped up in it and wind up spending HOURS EVERY DAY simply reading/writing/IMing. (Much like some do on this board ).

To the women out there... don't be shy. Check out some ads and give it a shot. Just, don't rush into anything. If he pushes to meet really fast, move on. Doing this doesn't mean you're desperate... just intent on finding a good guy... or you're a busy person. One final tidbit is that I have yet to see an ad work for a woman. Meaning: women shouldn't bother posting ads, in my opinion. It only works the other way, I think. Just my own experience here.

For me, I met a couple of oddballs, but mostly decent people. I only used AOL's personals, though. I'd guess I've been out with about 30+ people from online personals. The rule is just like in real life... use common sense. If it sounds like a line, it probably is. I'm currently dating someone in medical school and have known her since '98. They're out there, you just have to keep looking. Again, same as the real world.

To the women out there...

... all three of them ...

That's 3 more than there were previously. Every little bit helps, doesn't it?

Oh wait. Sorry. I misunderstood... Tony, you can't count yourself three times. Regardless of how good you think you look, that's still cheating.

It was through my listing at www.match.com that I met the woman I'm involved with now. BTW, we just celebrated our two year wedding anniversary.

I thought it was a great service and, obviously, it worked out well for me. I dated a few women that I met through match.com and none of them were strange or frightening in any way. They were just people looking for their match, like me.

For me, it was a great way to introduce myself and reveal my personality without the pressure of real time conversation. I'm shy when first meeting face to face or over the phone but I'm comfortable when I have time to compose an email. The email exchanges served to break the ice and when I would meet the women we would already have established a comfort level and the initial conversation was much less awkward.

I can give you a couple of suggestions:

Don't push too quickly for a face to face meeting.

Have your first meeting be in a public place and arrive independently. I'd suggest your first meeting be a fairly short activity with an established end point... lunch, happy hour, something like that. If it goes well you can always extend it or schedule another time in the near future. But if it goes poorly you'll be very glad that you don't have to make an excuse to leave or suffer through many hours with someone that you don't click with.

Choose the matchmaking service with the most people in your area and that allows you to filter based on the criteria that are important to you. If religion is a make or break factor then make sure you can filter on that one. Five years ago, match.com was clearly the best but I don't know how things have changed since then.

Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

-Dylan

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To the women out there... don't be shy. Check out some ads and give it a shot.

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Maybe some day, but for now I've given up on finding my knight in shining armour or Mr. Right or anyone for that matter.

Here's my thoughts on the subject:

Being Jewish, I can tell you guys I have it harder than most of you. I want to meet and ultimately marry a Jewish girl, so I don't bother with dating non-Jews. So, in general, that eliminates any normal social situation (such as a bar).

So, I attend various Jewish events near me. They have different groups for different ages. There's actually two for my age range. One is a little more religious than the other. There's cross-over in people too. The events are often quite enjoyable and I meet some nice people through them, although mostly friends. I imagine they have all kinds of other groups in your city too (for hobbies, sports, etc.).

I'm also on an online dating service called JDate.com. It's exclusively for Jewish singles. They're worldwide. They have a very large member list, and I have no problem finding women my age in my area. I've gone on a couple dates with people from there. They were ok, although they didn't end up working out. But, I plan on doing more.

Finally, they also have speed dating around here. I haven't found myself desperate enough to try it yet, although I have a friend who has. He actually went on a date with like 3 or 4 of the women from it. Yes, there are certain limitations on what you can talk about. You're not allowed to talk about how much you make, what you do, etc. They don't want the people to be able to make judgements based on that superficial information.

Overall, I say go for it. You're likely to meet a better match online than you would in a bar.

Ah, I remember those good old days!

Sigh.

Here we are in the middle of the sexual revolution, and I'm out of ammunition...

tanstaafl.

... all three of them ...

I know it makes you nervous when I "do math", Tony, but this one is simple enough for even you to deal with.

1) Laura
2) crewe
3) aouali
4) bxgurl

Add them all up, and it comes out to (drum roll, please...): FOUR of the fairer sex on our beloved bbs.

Admittedly, aouali hasn't posted here in quite some time, but she does have 20 posts to her credit.

tanstaafl.

..plus the other 20 or 30 ladies who use a masculine pseudonymn so as to avoid getting hit on by several hundred sex starved empeg geeks

Rob

..plus the other 20 or 30 ladies who use a masculine pseudonymn so as to avoid getting hit on by several hundred sex starved empeg geeks

Sheeet, Rob, I *begged* you not to blow my cover!!

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getting hit on by several hundred sex starved empeg geeks

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That would be fun!

<Don't mind me, I am drinking tonight for the second time this year. I can't be held accountable for what I say.>