you ain't cooking until you've set off the fire alarm

In my continuing series of kitchen experiments involving extreme danger, I decided I was going to cook up Alton Brown's "Mighty Duck" recipe for Valentine's Day. The supermarket had exactly one duck left in the freezer, not quite two months past its "sell by" date. Never mind, forge ahead!

Danger item #1 is dismembering the duck. Despite the thing spending a day and a half in the fridge, plus an hour in the sink with running water, it was still icy inside. You're supposed to quarter the thing, cutting out the backbone, with kitchen shears. It required two hands on the shears to get enough force to cut through the ribcage.

Danger item #2 didn't kick in until after we'd finished steaming the duck parts. You're supposed to sear the steamed duck in a cast iron pan, in the oven, at 475 F (246 C). This is enough to cause the duck fat to start boiling and splattering. Once I took that out of the oven, I somehow only got a few splatters burns on my arms. I didn't think there was too much smoke coming off the pan, but my fire alarm apparently disagreed. Luckily, it just makes a lot of noise, rather than calling the fire department. It took about five minute with the windows open for it to calm down and admit defeat.

In the end, it was a fantastic meal. Hours from start to finish, but well worth the bother.


(My next adventure with kitchen danger will involve our shiny new pressure cooker. I'm tempted to try some Cajun boiled crawfish. High pressure steam and cayenne pepper. Mmmm....)

<shudder>

There should be laws against that kind of thing!!!

Laws against what kind of thing?

I didn't think there was too much smoke coming off the pan, but my fire alarm apparently disagreed. Luckily, it just makes a lot of noise, rather than calling the fire department. It took about five minute with the windows open for it to calm down and admit defeat.

I learned quite a while ago that the quickest way to get a smoke alarm to shut up is to wave a dish towel underneath it. Usually takes about 20 seconds to make the thing shut up that way.

-=grin=- I usually just rip it out of the ceiling (usually violently), remove the batteries, and replace it whenever I'm done cooking. Nothing is quite as irritating as a smoke alarm above your head blaring at 180db.

Nothing is quite as irritating as a smoke alarm above your head blaring at 180db.

Theres always multiple alarms blairing at you, with no easy way to reach the one that got set off. Every alarm in my house goes off if one is triggered, and two of them are on vaulted ceilings.

Even better, the cafeteria burning lunch so badly it sets off the building file alarm system, causing 500 people to evacuate the building, and the fire department being called automaticially. That happened about 2 weeks after a new catering company took over. I don't think they have ever regained everyones trust completly after that one.

Don't smoke alarms in the US just have a button to silence them for a few minutes ?

I think some do but it depends on when you bought them.

I use the rip it down method too.

the quickest way to get a smoke alarm to shut up is to wave a dish towel underneath it

Nah. Sharp end of a broom and knock the stupid thing to bits. Reassemble later as needed.

-Zeke

and the fire department being called automaticially

University: 3 fire engines for 2 pieces of toast. Man that was a sensitive fire alarm.

Same thing used to happen at my old Halls at uni, every bloody week. Nowadays, you can tell someones burnt the toast in the canteen at work because you can smell it coming out the air con vents in the comms center on the floor below.

I am just imagining the combination of a semi-frozen duck, a pair of shears and a rib cage...

Well, I still recommend the recipe. What's the point of cooking if there isn't some element of adventure involved?

Valid point! I enjoy duck, but usually prefer to thaw it in advance...

At least you had a working fire alarm. Somebody set the toaster on fire by trying to toast something too thick which got stuck down. Smoke everywhere from the burning toast and toaster and absolutely nothing happened. We had to unplug it and quickly blast it with the fire extinguisher. The reception staff didn't believe us when we said we'd burnt the toaster...

Don't smoke alarms in the US just have a button to silence them for a few minutes ?

Wish mine did. Back in my old apartment, the smoke alarm would get triggered by steam from the bathroom. It happened enough times so that I installed a switch on the thing...

What's the point of cooking if there isn't some element of adventure involved?

I think someone said that about ironing, once...

Theres always multiple alarms blairing at you,

Heh. You have no idea...

During university, I lived in a house rented out by someone whose clue train was missing both the caboose and the engine. This place was a single family dwelling that had been converted into a duplex. I lived in the garage-room. In our half of the house, there was a smoke alarm on the ceiling between my room, and the next room (and our doors were in a corner). Two feet away from that (i.e. in the hallway) was a second smoke alarm. Five feet away from that in one direction (the front hall) was a third alarm. Two feet away in the opposite direction (on the wall above the door in the kitchen) was a fourth alarm. Five feet away in the third direction (over the stairs to the basement) was a fifth alarm. There was a sixth alarm in the basement, and a seventh up in the hall between the upper two rooms. I think it was in my second year living there that, while hunting down the source of an irritating cricket chirp, we discovered the eighth alarm (with a dying battery) in the crawl space/furnace area.

Note that the other half of the "duplex" had their own set of smoke alarms (three of them, I think).

We set off the kitchen alarm almost every time we cooked anything -- even just boiling water was enough to trigger that thing. We suspected it was due to improper venting from the hood over the stove, which consisted of an anemic fan connected to vertical section of 2" diameter PVC pipe, connected by a 90 degree elbow to an 8' length of 2" diameter PVC pipe that ran along the wall to the outside. We suggested to our landlord that perhaps the pipe needed to be bigger to allow proper venting. We came home one day to discover that he had replaced the vertical chunk of piping with a 6" diameter pipe -- but had left the 8 feet sf 2" pipe as it was.