3 - I was stuck in traffic in the inner harbor area of Baltimore about a year ago. A homeless guy falls down, and a very young looking cop bends over and helps the guy up. Once he's back on his feet, they homeless guy thanks him by whipping it out and pissing on him.

2 - My mother's aunt's funeral (she was a nasty, evil woman). I'm standing next to my mom looking over the casket and I see my mom is poking at the corpse, so I ask her what the hell is she doing. The looks me dead in the eye with a straight face and says "Just checking that the bitch is dead dear." (My mom is about 4 foot 10 and looks very conservative and is very big on social protocol, which made it even funnier.)

1 - My dad used to be a Special Olympics coach, and he used to take me with him to a lot of the games. When I was about 13, I saw the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. If I see something else this funny in my lifetime, I can die happy. During the relay race, one kid must have been determined to win at all costs, because as he caught up to the other kids, he would take the baton and whack them in the legs. As you can imagine, the other competitors were not pleased. One of the kids who had been Kerriganned catches up with his attacker and tackles him. One of the other kids joins in and starts beating on the Gilooly kid. Within seconds, a huge brawl has broken out on the track. This alone would have been funny enough, but then one of them unvelcroed his plastic leg brace and started hitting him with it. Dad never took me back to the Special Olympics after that. It looks really bad when the coach's kid is in a ball on the ground wheezing from laughter. I wasn't as skilled in stifling the laugh as the rest of them.