An old-style telephone ring? How wonderful! I must have one!

Actually, no, I don't have to have one, but it is a very cool idea. Nice to know that someone had the patience and care to make something of true quality - and to say that about a mobile phone ring is completely unheard of.

At the risk of starting a "ringtones" thread, I'd love to have the ability to have different recorded (e.g. MP3) samples for a few individuals in my phone list. My brother's would be the ghastly scream out of "The House Of Teeth" (Dyall: How sweet, the children are awake...) and my mum would receive the Peter Sellers Mad Long Talking Record, best heard on "Lost Horizons". Dad would probably get the sound of Eccles driving a wall at speed heard in "The Hastings Flyer".

(Yes indeed, Goon Shows. I loved the sound effects. From fourth to eighth series the sound effects often made the show - after that the BBC started cutting the effects budget on Milligan - in one late GS the cast had to do the effect of wolves howling... but I digress.)

What I want out of a phone is:

1) Long battery life - at least four days without charging.
2) Universal coverage - works anywhere I might happen to go.
3) Nice clear monochrome screen.
4) Personalised voice dial commands and ring samples (only about ten of each necessary).
5) Wireless connectivity to car kit and computer.

Things that would be nice:

1) A decent selection of games.
2) An FM radio.
3) An MP3 player with a decent (>128MB) amount of memory.

Things I don't want in a mobile phone are:

1) Colour screen.
2) Camera.
3) Annoying monophonic ring tones.
4) And the inverse of all of the wants and needs (e.g. wire-only connectivity).

So why can't I get a phone like that?

Have fun,

Paul

P.S. What's the N-Gage like? Is it as Penny Arcade says, and Nokia have found a way to package suck?